5 Things You Should Know About Pro-choicers

5 Things You Should Know About Pro-choicers

(Added September 2016)
I originally wrote this in July of 2015. Out of everything I have ever posted, this most definitely got the biggest response. I would say about 60-75% of the response was positive, but I also got a ton of backlash and criticism from pro-lifers. Like most people, I stupidly concentrated on the negative responses. My mistake. Even still, there has always been a part of me that wanted to go back and rewrite parts of this. I think a lot of people misunderstood what I was trying to say. Maybe I didn’t explain myself as well as I could have or maybe my intentions weren’t very clear. Maybe some people just enjoy being offended and disagreeable. Who knows. Either way, after giving it a lot of thought, I decided not to change a thing. Sometimes it’s good to upset people. 

However, I do want to clarify a few issues. There are a couple things that I don’t want anyone to ever misunderstand about me. In the introduction, I should have made it as transparent as possible that I am 100% no exceptions PRO-LIFE. I have also been a part of the Catholic Church since Easter 2012. Additionally, I can admit that I might have come off a bit boastful about my time spent around the abortion industry. That was not my intent. All I wanted to do was set a precedent that I have spent a lot of time around pro-aborts. I got to know a lot of people that support abortion during that time. In fact, these were some of my wife’s best friends and a huge part of our social circle. I am neither proud or ashamed of that time. It happened and there is nothing I can do about it. So this is me sharing my experiences, what I’ve learned from them, and how I am moving forward.

If you have been pro-life your entire life, this might be a little difficult to understand, but I think it needs to be discussed. And for some of you, this post may be uncomfortable because sometimes we want to believe the very worst about people we disagree with. But believe it or not, most pro-choicers support abortion for reasons they believe to be compassionate…compassionate towards the woman and the child. They believe that every child should be wanted. Nobody wants to see children born into abusive situations. Nobody wants a woman to feel stuck. It doesn’t matter if you think their stance or feelings are misguided or that they are blind to the truth. What matters is that their feelings and desire to be compassionate are genuine, and frankly, they deserve to be heard.

My wife spent 8 years in the abortion industry. We have been married for almost 10 years now, and I spent the first five years of our marriage supporting a woman that proudly waved the biggest and boldest pro-choice flag out there. Although I did not like abortion, I was still with her every step of the way until the day she had her conversion to being pro-life. Why? Because I loved her. Because I loved her passion. Because I loved that she truly believed what she was doing what was right. I spent several years arm in arm with Abby attending fundraisers, rallies, and events with a lot of people who supported a woman’s right to an abortion. It is safe to say you tend to gain a lot of insight about abortion clinic workers and other pro-choicers when you spend a significant amount of time breaking bread with them. (And sleeping next to one of them).

There are so many common misconceptions, ideas, and stereotypes that many pro-lifers have about the other side. I think it is all too easy to hate the person standing in front of us that boldly represents what we as pro-lifers are working against.  I am not sure what image comes up in your head when you think about pro-choicers and abortion supporters. You might think unhappy, dark, hates children, promiscuous, ignorant, angry, hurt, super liberal…the list goes on. I am here to tell you, for the most part, you might be wrong.


1. Pro-choicers have kids, they love their kids, and they like other people’s kids.

For the most part, people who support abortion are not rejoicing in the right to kill babies. They are not sitting around talking about how much they hate pregnant women and how they should all abort their children. When Abby was pregnant, they gave her a baby shower at the Planned Parenthood clinic. (I know there is some irony in that). Most of the women who came in for abortions already had kids. Some of them brought their children to their abortion appointment. They felt like they were doing the very best and most compassionate thing for their current baby in the womb. I know that may seem hard to understand, but when you are living in that world, it makes sense. We all justify our own poor decisions everyday. The same way you do it is the same way they do it. When you meet someone that doesn’t like or want kids, it’s usually a personality thing, not a pro-choice thing.

2. They know they are right the same way you know that you are right.

There were so many times Abby would complain about the protesters outside her Planned Parenthood clinic. She would gripe that they should find something better to do. “How can they be so callous towards women? How could they not care about a woman’s reproductive rights?” I would usually just remind her, they are out there because they are just as passionate about saving babies as you are about helping women obtain abortions. Just like we KNOW as pro-lifers that we are 100% correct on the subject, Abby used to KNOW that supporting a woman’s right to abortion was absolutely the right thing to do. And she was supported by her friends, the women she worked with and even our church.

3. They are articulate, well educated, and smart people.

I get tired of pro-lifers that think you have to be ignorant or stupid to be pro-choice. It’s just ridiculous. The truth is that there plenty of very smart people that support a woman’s right to abortion. I went to a lot of meetings, talks, small gatherings, fundraisers, and other events with Abby when she was with Planned Parenthood. Every time, the majority of them were doctors, lawyers, college professors, and well known professionals. If you think you can’t be argued under the table by a pro-choicer just because you know deep in your heart you are right, you are dead wrong. When you decide to take on a stranger on the subject of abortion, make sure you are on your A-game and assume they are pretty intelligent. Don’t just go in with Bible verses. In fact, they might find a way to use that against you. Make sure you are well versed in science and medicine. Make sure you use sound logic in your argument. Otherwise, you could easily be embarrassed.

4. Not every abortion supporter would choose abortion for themselves.

“I wouldn’t have an abortion, but I am not going to stop a woman from getting one if she needs it.” Many prochoice women will tell you that they would never have an abortion. It’s not about them having an abortion or having the option, it’s because they don’t want to take away the option from other women. They feel like taking away the right to abortion would lack compassion. They also really hold on to the idea that “every child should be a wanted child.”

5. Pro-choicers go to church.

Not only do they go to church, but Abby truly believed she was doing what God wanted her to be doing when she was with Planned Parenthood. Dr. Tiller was killed while attending church. Abby can tell many stories about women who wanted to pray while on the table about to get an abortion. Sometimes, she would recognize women that would come in to Planned Parenthood, because they attended the large Baptist church where we taught Sunday School. Some of the people she worked with attended church regularly. Remember that sometimes we think we are hearing God’s voice, but it may not be Him at all. There have been people who are anti-abortion who say that “God told them to kill an abortion doctor.” Or maybe that “God told them to blow up an abortion clinic.” But if we know the person of God, we know that He would never instruct us to harm others. I suspect that when Abby thought God was blessing her work and telling her to keep doing what she was doing, it wasn’t God’s voice she was hearing.


Yes, there are some pro-choicers that have malicious intent in their heart, but that group is a small number. The majority of people that are pro-choice believe their intentions are good. I think most of the time, people on both sides of the argument want what’s best for everyone. When we work towards to understanding each other better and look at what our intentions are, we might be able to move towards the right solution. So, let’s get to know each other a little first. Remember, I was pro-life minded and married a pro-choice woman. In other words, we can get along. We have things in common. Yes, this is a fight, but an opportunity to minister and change hearts and minds as well. If anything, I hope this gives you reason to want to pray a little harder a love a little more.



  1. I am a pro-choice atheist and I have to say I loved your article! I used to be a pro-life christian but life events have made me see the world through a different perspective. I would love to write an article like this to my fellow pro-choicers. No pro-lifers are not bible thumping thugs out to deny women their rights. I know I was one back when I stood outside picketing abortions I really in my heart believed I was doing the right thing. Pro-choice/Pro-life it would be great if we could stop demonizing each other and see that we are all people just trying to do what we believe in our hearts to be the right thing.

    • Not all pro-lifers are Bible thumping thugs. I am certainly not one of those. I can quote scripture, but choose to live it rather than shove it in people’s faces. My actions and my words are my representation of my faith. I don’t know you from Jane and I don’t know who taught you to act like that in your past. I can understand how you flipped 180 to the other side with such a negative view. However, I can say that the Bible thumping, screaming, condemning, old white guy stereotype is quickly fading. There are tons of gay, atheist, secular, female, young, articulate, non-religious, loving, post abortive pro-lifers out there. Now, do I think both sides are trying to do what’s best? for the most part, yes. Do I think one side is right and the other side is wrong? Of course, yes. There is nothing right about abortion just like there is nothing right about rape, murder, or robbing a bank. When my wife worked at PP, I was constantly blinded by her good intentions. But good intentions are never a nobel reason to kill anyone at any stage of existence or development.

      • Amy wrote:

        “. . . pro-lifers are not bible thumping thugs out to deny women their rights. I know, I was one back when I stood outside picketing abortions . . .”

        This could possibly be read as “I know, I was a Bible-thumping thug . . . ,” and I think you have read it that way.

        But I think Amy meant:

        “I know, I was a pro-lifer when I used to picket, and that is how I know they are not Bible-thumping thugs . . . “

        • She said “NO pro-lifers are NOT Bible thumping thugs…” I read that as, “ALL pro-lifers ARE Bible thumping thugs.” Maybe there is a comma missing. If so, I can apologize and restart the conversation.

          • I think a comma after “No” is missing, and also it’s a little ambiguous whether “one” refers to “pro-lifers” or to “thugs.”

          • I wrote:

            “it’s a little ambiguous whether ‘one’ refers to ‘pro-lifers’ or to ‘thugs’.”

            It’s a little ambiguous structurally, but I think she meant it to refer to “pro-lifers.”

        • Acyutananda is correct. I apologize for my grammar. I meant to say that not all pro-lifers are that stereotype. I was pro-life once until I started seeing the issue a different way but I won’t expand on that.

  2. I love this. I have been pro-life all of my life. By the grace of God I am a mother of twelve:) I have heard all of these arguments before and long story short, what is most refreshing about both you and Abby is that what really breaks through the surface is the message of the infinite love and mercy of Christ. Amen! I love the honesty and as you can see, it’s too much for some of us mortals but not our Lord, nope, bring it all on He will redeem it. I can’t’ understand how relating your mentality at the time is a crime today. When I was who I was ten years ago, I thought and did and judged things differently too, yep, and then through grace my heart and convictions and opinions evolved towards truth so stone me. Thank you for being real, it only crowns God with more glory.

  3. Hi Abby and Doug! Let’s see if I can clarify.

    Doug is Abby’s husband. I’ve met them both before and they are very nice. I’ve seen Abby talk. I’ve shaken her hand. She has defended me in public. (Thank you, Abby.) I’ve even seen her mispronounce my name ;). I’ve seen her compassion. I’ve seen her family, and know her son’s Godmother ;). If you don’t believe she and Doug have changed, read up on their conversion, talk with the people who helped get Abby out of Planned Parenthood, or look at how her daughter passionately discusses life issues such as homelessness and abortion. Talk to her son’s Godmother ;). I am friends with some of the people who were there for Abby when God was working on her heart.
    Doug is trying to show pro-lifers that people see things differently. How can we convert others if we do not understand their way of thinking? His point was that someone can come from the other side of the debate or even the other side of the clinic and they will look for somewhere or someone to turn to. People who feel hatred in their hearts aren’t going to change someone from the industry, but if you reach out with love and compassion and treat them as human beings, they are more likely to convert. Love the clinic workers out. I understand the anger some pro-lifers feel toward those who support abortion. Mother Theresa said that some people might not love you, but love them anyway. For some of you, the anger is coming from a place of hurt by how you have been treated in the past. For others, it comes from a lack of understanding of how someone can be in the industry in this day and age. I get that, too. This is what Doug is trying to clarify. Many people don’t see our point of view. They CAN’T see it because we are not meeting them where they are at. How do we do that?
    First, reach out to others in love and know how to engage in a loving talk, but don’t come into it with the mindset of it being a debate. Think of it as a conversation, a dialogue. Get sidewalk counseling training. I gained a new perspective when I went through the training.
    Second, find the common ground. As crazy as it sounds, there is some common ground. For some people, it might be that our foster care system needs to make it easier for loving couples to adopt. For others, it might be that men should step up when a woman comes to her pregnant and scared. That doesn’t mean that a woman should get married because she is pregnant, but it does mean that both parties should work together to support the baby.
    Third, forgive others. My family literally and figuratively dodged a moltov cocktail at Planned Parenthood last spring. Yes, That moltov cocktail! That was supposed to be my shift, but I changed my time and day. My Dad had to pick up the box at that time, but couldn’t. My mom came right after the moltov cocktail incident. She managed to collect the supplies before the authorities, making them available the next day. 🙂
    The point is, I am working on forgiving the person who did this, and if I can try, perhaps others can try forgiving the ones who rev their engines, honk their horns, or throw out false statements on facebook. It is then that we can be more compassionate towards each other and not just win an arguement or convert someone, but win over a heart for God.

  4. Thanks for being so transparent Doug! This article has helped to clarify some things for me, as I have a few Christian friends who are pro-choice. I’ve never been able to wrap my mind around how they could think that way, but this has given me a glimpse into their “way of thinking”. May God continue to bless you and your wife’s ministry!

  5. Doug, I appreciate that you believe in your wife and yourself. I also believe that you are wrong. I think that you and your wife were under a diabolical disorientation of your choosing. You both had a free will choice to follow the commandments or to follow the devil. Unless you were insane, you have to own that to advocate for abortion is grave matter and I also believe you were both in mortal sin because you had the responsibility to inform your conscience of the teachings of the faith. Too, even now, you do not admit culpability which I believe is the latent and lingering effect of the mortal sin even when the sin is confessed. It is called the temporal effect of being in the sin for so long.

    In other words, you and Abby may not be able to see clearly even to this day the effects of the sin on yourself and on your own children. I tell you this in this public forum as you and Abby have the ear of many Catholics and those who are your audience need to understand the severity of what was done when Abby was directly and materially involved in the abortion of human persons.

    I am sure that this post may upset you and I ask that you consider that I have a right and a responsibility to advise you using the spiritual works of mercy.

    God forgives all sins as we Christians know but there are conditions and I ask that you and Abby speak with a holy priest to be sure that you have met those needed for absolution.

    I was a grave sinner too and am still laboring with the lingering effects, but they are abating. The sacraments helped me enormously and so did the humility I had to embrace to ask for God’s forgiveness without excuse. God bless you both.

    • You read 1200 words about our PAST life. You haven’t said anything we don’t already know or that we haven’t a;ready addressed. I didn’t say I was proud of what happened or excuse it for that matter. I simply told what happened. How it was. It should be obvious bow blinded we WERE. All I am suggesting is that people listen when they can. Listen to their heart and then speak to it. That’s what people did for us and now here we are.

    • Oh my goodness, Barbara. Your words are what give Christians a bad reputation.

      Who are you to judge, Barbara? What gives you the ego to believe that you know what is in someone’s else heart and soul?

      Treat others as you want to be treated — and I suspect you do not want to be ever on the receiving end of what you sent.

      What are you to judge, Barbara?

  6. Doug, in the comments I read about how difficult it can be to adopt and ithe idea to apply $ to help with adoption versus abortion.. I haven’t been able to read all the posts, but have you/others mentioned how we can we help as citizens to make inroads? (I.e., Are improvements needed at the federal and/or state level?)

    • There should be more tax benefits to adopting. I am sure there are tons of improvements to be made. I wish there was more invested in connecting families that want to adopt with families that are scared to have a child with a disability. Maybe some more awareness that there are waiting lists for children with disabilities as well. I mean, these lists are LOOOOONNNNGGG too. But they stay long because families are encouraged to abort at the slightest chance of a deformity or disability.

  7. I thought Abby said you were attending an Episcopal church, not a Baptist church? Every baptist church I have ever went to has been pro-life? Just curious…

    • We were at a Baptist Church for a couple years before the Episcopal Church. We went to several churches during her time at PP. We were only at the Episcopal Church for about a year and that’s where we were when Abby had her conversion. She was raised Baptist so that’s where she felt most comfortable till she realized they would never accept what she did.

      • Just curious how you were raised?

        • I started out in the Lutheran Church. In high-school, I attended and graduated from a “nondenominational” school run by 99% Baptists. I was pretty involved with church during those years and for the first couple years after graduating. After I graduated, my parents changed to the Methodist Church. So when I was home, I went with them. On my own, I went to Baptist and Bible churches. After a while I backslid a bit until Abby and I got married. We tried a few nondenominational churches at first but ended up at a Baptist Church. After a couple years we switched to the Episcopal Church. When Abby had her conversion, they more or less told us to leave. So, we ended up in the Catholic Church after that.

  8. Doug, as much as I enjoyed and profited from your post, I wonder if part of the reason why so many people were slow to trust your sincerity as a pro life advocate had to do with your frequent use of the phrase “a woman’s right to choose.” I realize of course that this is how people who support abortion frame the issue, and that in mass media it is almost the way that their position is expressed, but phrasing it this way begs the question. If we concede the wording that makes abortion a “right,” then our insistence that the right to life takes precedence casts us as the ones who are trying to take “rights” away from others. No matter how hard we try to explain that the right to choose what happens to our own bodies can and should mean other things besides taking the lives of the unborn, and that in fact the right to choose what happens to our bodies must logically exclude causing harm to the bodies of others unless we are being selective and hypocritical about how we apply that right, we are giving them far too much if we concede that abortion itself can be called, in any sense, a “right.” It is a subtle distinction, but I admit that in spite of my appreciation of the points that you were making, the repetition of that phrase bothered me more than a little. I know it was probably an oversight based on spending such a long time in the “pro-choice” camp, but perhaps being more aware of how you frame the issue could spare you some of the friendly fire that you experienced here.

    • That phrase should bother you just as much as it drives pro-choicers. “In the name of choice.”; “A woman’s right to choose.”; “Pro-choice=pr-life.”… and so on. These phrases drive them. They make them feel empowered. We see right through them, because we know the truth. I understand and respect your need to clarify how you fell about those phrases. And maybe you are right. That could be why people were upset with me. Emotions are high right now because of that video about selling aborted baby parts. People want to put horns and a tail on every pro-choicer out there. They wanted to demonize them and I went and humanized them as much as possible. Why? Because people treated me and my wife like humans and look where we are now. Abby is probably one of the hardest working, no exceptions, no compromises, truth speaking, loving, effective, and bold pro-life leader out there.

      Remember the beginning when I said this might be hard to explain to life long pro-lifers? I underestimated how hard it would be. I used the pro-choice language. I tried to speak in my former voice to give a little understanding of where they were coming from. Converts and former pro-choicers got it. Even a few current pro-choicers got it. And now pro-choicers are here reading you and everyone else’s words/truth about abortion. It may not matter today. In fact, it might piss them off. But somewhere down the road, it might click and possibly save a life or two.

      Thanks for commenting and sharing your concerns. I hope you might take the time to read other things I have written and continue to read future articles. Our pro-life work is a journey and we are learning every day. I have learned a lot from this article. I wouldn’t change a single word nor do I have any regrets. I will use this experience moving forward, and hopefully learn how to express my views better so that there are less misunderstandings. (Keep in mind, I was a Kinesiology major with very little writing experience.) 😉

      • “a lot of people who supported a woman’s right to an abortion.”

        “Abby used to KNOW that supporting a woman’s right to abortion was absolutely the right thing to do.”

        “They feel like taking away the right to abortion would lack compassion.”

        To me it was 100% clear that you were not expressing any support of your OWN now for a right to abortion, and were not saying that you had supported such a right then, either.

        Your writing is good. It wouldn’t be possible to write an article about pro-choicers without repeatedly mentioning their BELIEF in a right to abortion.

      • It’s article like this one that made me, as a pro-choicer, feel that there might be pro-life people who could accept me, like there might be a group of pro-lifers who were compassionate enough that I could call them my own tribe. I’m a convert, and while the audience for this article may have been intended to be pro-lifers, it (or others like it) spoke to me when I was trying to find a way that I could convert without losing what I felt to be my integrity. Using the language you used here felt to me very respectful and representative of pro-choice beliefs without endorsing them yourself.

        • Thank you for your comment. My intention was to bridge that gap a bit. It is such a heated argument.
          So you say you are a convert? Do you mean from pro-life to pro-choice?

  9. When we adopted a child, I was already pro-life, – because abortion kills a baby, – but, through the process, I came to see even more how harmful abortion is for women. As part of the process, we had a chance to talk with some women who had already placed children in adoptive homes. I don’t know, but I guess some had had previous abortions. This is what they described: Once a woman faces an unwanted pregnancy, especially one where she is abandoned by boyfriend, and/or family, she is facing a tragedy. The question is, now what? What will lead to healing, and what will lead to more trauma? The overwhelming message from these women was that choosing life leads to healing. They got to see their living baby; they got to see the joy they brought to an adoptive couple; they had the joy of knowing that there was good coming out of evil. On the other hand abortion simply freezes the pain and sorrow. There is no bright future to erase the tragedy. There is no joy to erase the pain. Anyone who is pro-choice should spend time with real women who have seen joy come from sorrow.

  10. You can’t justify murder, plain and simple!!

    • They don’t see it at murder. So once we understand that, we know what we are working with and can help them see abortion for what it is… Murder.

      • I get that, but I have to admit, it turns my stomach that your wife taught Sunday School while she helped kill babies. I realize we are all sinners, but when a Christian is living in open, unrepentant sin, we don’t give them leadership positions.

  11. When every pro-lifer is willing to take care of every child that is born, I will become pro-life. This includes those that are deformed, mentally retarded, crack babies, and hyper active.

    • thanks for the loaded solution. Not every pro-lifer can do that, but there are more than enough people out there with good homes that willing to do as you suggest. The problem is not that there aren’t enough people out there, the problem is that there are not enough programs to connect those people with the mothers. How bout we ask our government to put our tax dollars into that instead supporting abortion?

      • “…more than enough good homes that are willing to do…”

        I really liked this article, but I take issue with this statement. There are too too many kids floating around the foster-care system, released by the courts for adoption, (that even come with monthly stipends and psychological support) to believe that there are enough willing homes. The fact is that most people want to raise their own kids, or at least kids who don’t have too much baggage, and not too severe of disabilities.

        • You’re right. there are a lot of people not willing to take on certain kids. Believe it or not, the foster system doesn’t exactly make it easy either. Again, it’s nat because of availability of good homes. It’s about connecting the kids with those homes.

        • I work with a private organization that facilitates adoption from the foster care system. I have adopted four kids from the foster care system and am in committee on two more. Only one was a baby, and he was a member of a sibling group. It is not easy to adopt through the state. I hear this all the time, but I work with these people and it is not unusual for people to wait three of four years to just be chosen to adopt, then the actual process begins. I have a cousin who is approved to adopt. He and his wife have gone to committee on six kids in the last year. They have never been chosen. (They do have one adopted child already, through a private adoption). They have been trying to adopt through the state for three years. And they are APPROVED. It is very simple to say, not so simple to accomplish. Some people just five up. However, saying that, because there are children in foster care, that it is okay to kill babies is not really a very good argument.

        • The fact that there are so many children in foster care who can’t live with their parents for any reason just underscores the fact that abortion doesn’t solve the issues prochoice people think we need to keep it around for: Child abuse, neglect, incompetence, drug addicted parents……Children in these circumstances are the ones prochoicers offer up as better off aborted. It boils down to the fact that many prochoicers spend a lot of time talking about who should have an abortion.

          • EXACTLY!!! If abortion were the solution to these social problems, then child abuse and unwanted children in foster care should have virtually disappeared in the last 50 years, but they haven’t.

    • Isn’t that the same as saying “when every prochoice person is willing to pay for all the abortions women have, then I’ll be prochoice, too? Your logic is ridiculous. Basically it boils down to….You get the relationship and the sex and the fetus, and everyone else takes responsibility for your decisions or the kid gets it.

  12. Life and death is in nature, animals kill their young for many reasons upon birth. You might say we’re higher and mightier according to God but are we really? With all the hate and death created in the name of the Lord in the world can you really say we’ve been a good to others and this gift of a planet. I’d say no. A big part of this is control, you can’t control people. They can hurt you, their children and themselves. Yes it sucks but it’s going to happen, why are we not up in arms about sex slaves being sold all over the world, young girls the age of your own or the million other atrocities that are happening to people alive right now. This topic is designed to separate and divide people from fixing other more important problems because if someone wants to get an abortion bad enough they’ll find a way and you can’t stop them. You are not in control.

    • First, who says we are not up in arms about the other atrocities? However, I don’t see women marching is support of these, either. When is the last time you attended a rally for “sex slavery on demand and without apology”? Second, even if I were only concerned about abortion, God calls different people to different ministries. Third, that argument can be made about anything. Why try to control rape, then? If someone wants to rape bad enough, they will do it. There is nothing we can do about it.

  13. “My wife spent 8 years in the abortion industry… I spent the first five years of our marriage supporting a woman that proudly waved the biggest and boldest pro-choice flag out there. Although I did not like abortion, I was still with her every step of the way until the day she had her conversion to being pro-life. Why? Because I loved her. Because I loved her passion. Because I loved that she truly believed what she was doing what was right. I spent several years arm in arm with Abby attending fundraisers, rallies, and events with a lot of people who supported a woman’s right to an abortion…”

    You’re not pro-life in any meaningful way. Replace choice with infanticide and it’s unfathomable that you would say any of these things. If my wife was still pro-abortion, I would be on my knees begging God to help me change her mind. If she worked at Planned Parenthood? That would be a knock-down drag-out fight every day she went to work until she quit or the marriage collapsed.

    You are treating this like it’s Giants vs. Dodgers and not baby vs. blob of soulless tissue.

    • Man, do you have it all wrong. I gave you a tiny snip-it of the beginning of our story and now you think I don’t take this movement seriously? I am treating this like it is a battle for souls. Not just for the unborn children but for everyone. God wants them all so I letting him use me to do that. And what make you think our marriage was easy while she worked there? That little bit you are quoting back to me by no means sums me up.

      • Hi Doug I just wanted you to know that I was very moved by your article and I feel that I understood its intent and meaning. Thank you for so loving your wife that you were patient for her to understand the truth about abortion. I thank you again for voicing what needs to be voiced if we are ever capable of having a real dialogue and change peoples hearts and minds about abortion we need to be loving and cognizant of the points you made. May God continue to bless your marriage and may one day all humanity realize that abortion is the killing of innocent souls.

    • Exactly, Millenium Falcon. Prolifers don’t go to pro abortion fundraisers. You can love someone and understand them and provide a witness and example to them without getting involved with evil itself. I think the author only sought to keep the peace at home and is now trying to rationalize his actions.

      • I no longer need to rationalize those actions. I know they were wrong. I never said they were right. I just said that it happened. That I have been there. I never said I was a good pro-lifer. You people are scolding the old me and forgetting that there is a new me that has been forgiven.

        • “I never said I was a good pro-lifer.”

          That makes everything very clear, to me at least. Thanks.

          “I never said they were right.”

          You had said, “I was still with her every step of the way.” That doesn’t literally say that it was right to be with her every step of the way, but I guess to me it had a ring of moral assertiveness. People normally do make such expressions of loyalty with moral assertiveness, as though believing that personal loyalty is the highest value. That sentence had thrown me off, and maybe had thrown others off.

  14. Doug,

    Make sure you tell the anti-lifer’s that just because we are pro-life doesn’t mean we are anti-women, chauvinistic pigs (which I have been called).

    • I have been doing that for years now.

      • Thank you for reminding people on both sides of this issue that civil discourse matters. Tom above sounds angry that you maintain relationships with and compassion for people on both sides of the fence, and I can understand why. Because on both sides of the issue, it hurts to be called names, and it makes one angry when unjust judgments are leveled at you. I know from experience that being called “Anti-life” when in fact you love life and want to ensure the best quality of life for all just entrenches a person in the notion that people who oppose abortion are all about hate and control rather than protecting life. Just like being called misogynists and worse when we want to value women even before they are born and give women better choices than killing a piece of themselves makes us angry and frustrated enough to lash out and call names in turn. It is a natural human reaction, but it doesn’t honor life, and it certainly doesn’t honor Jesus who said to love and pray for our enemies, even when they curse us.

        • Andrea,
          I am not angry at Doug for having relationships with people on both sides. However, please don’t lecture me about being civil to the pro-choicer’s. I started using anti-life long after the vicious, mean, hateful things directed at me. A person can only take so much. Tell your side to practice what they preach. That is rather hypocritical to tell me to be civil when your side is far worse.

          • If you are pro-life, then you *are* my side.

            Like Doug, I once was in the mushy middle, a “nice, misinformed” (actually, desperately deceived) person who thought that while I would never have an abortion myself, it ought to be an option for women who were raped or whose life was in jeopardy. God got my attention the hard way, and turned my life and my understanding upside down. But I assure you, people using invective like “anti-life” would not have made a positive change in my opinions.

            Since most of my efforts on behalf of the pro-life agenda are personal, one-on-one with women who are now where I was before, I probably don’t draw the kind of fire that people get on the front line, like you or like Kathleen, further down in this comment list. I know the pro-aborts can get ugly in more public settings. Some of the stuff I see on social media just turns my stomach, and it isn’t even necessarily aimed at me. Although sometimes it is, no matter how civil I try to be. I can only imagine what you must face, if you go head to head with the most vehement abortion supporters in the business on any kind of regular basis. I did not mean to lecture you so much as to affirm what I think Doug is trying to do by making sure that we see our opponents as people, however mistaken their premises, however catastrophic their actions.

            And yes, however hateful they can be to us.

            I know it isn’t easy. If you were in fact angry, I would fully understand that. No doubt you’ve faced far worse than I have. I am sorry for being so unclear about where I currently stand on the issue, to the point where you felt accused. I just know that I’ve heard ugly from both sides, and our side has less excuse for it, because most of us know Jesus. Although certainly, we have a great deal of provocation from those who advocate for abortion.

            Stand strong. You and all those in the trenches for life are in my prayers.

  15. When I was a clinic escort there would be 6-8 taking a couple of shifts throughout the morning, and 2-10 antis on the sidewalk trying to get as close to intercept the women on the way in. I remember thinking how tragic it was that there would often be 15 people out there, all willing to wake up at 6am and give several hours of their Saturday morning to make the world a better place, and instead of all of us working in a soup kitchen together, or building houses for the poor or something, we were squared off into two camps, each trying to cancel out the other’s efforts.

    • 6-8 escorts, that is.

    • Everyone has their cause that they believe in. Our daughter has a huge heart for the homeless. Honestly, we feel like saving babies, helping the homeless, and all that you just mentioned fits under the same umbrella of having respect for life.

  16. Why are we always told to understand and compromise with evil? Abortion is evil. It is the dismembering and destruction of a a baby and now we find out their body parts are being sold to the highest bidder. Unless we stand up to this industry, we are all at fault. So his wife worked in the abortion industry for years. An industry. Get it. It’s to make money off a situation and hurting women and their children. Adoption is the answer. There are people going overseas to adopt, but we are killing our children. But to “understand” a pro-choicer. No, I don’t want to understand them. Their hearts need to be changed. They have children, but don’t care that other’s babies are being murdered. That is sick. We live in a sick and fallen world.

    • You are preaching to the choir. Everything you are saying is part of what Abby and I put out there ALL THE TIME. What is wrong with combining the truth with loving and converting the enemy? We are here to save babies and change hearts. Changing hearts will ultimately saving more babies. You are talking to two people (Abby and I) who have dedicated their lives to standing up to the abortion industry. I didn’t say anything about compromise. And understanding human experiences that have lead to this evil will help us to change their minds. It’s like going to battle with their super secret plan in our back pocket. It’s an advantage.

    • I agree with you!!

    • Kate, I understand your anger. With the news being so biased, and the whole society talking about abortion as a right, sometimes it seems as if the thought police are out to get us, and either bully us into submission or else sneak doubts in to undermine our commitment to the truth. But as I read it, Doug really wasn’t telling anyone to compromise or to empathize to the point of changing our position on the value of life. The problem is not in saying firmly, consistently, emphatically, and passionately that human life is valuable even from conception. The problem is assuming things about those who disagree that may not be true. When we speak and act in line with those assumptions, it makes it hard to recognize another sinner (like us) in need of God’s grace. Any of us who have had our hearts changed know that before the change, we thought we were doing things right, or at least as well as anyone could expect. We were deceived. We needed people to tell us not just that we were sinners (everyone knows that at heart, whether they recognize it or not) but that there was hope for us. We need to understand just enough so that we can help them see truth. Like a doctor needs to understand the signs and symptoms before he can diagnose and cure.

  17. I have a very different perspective from you, having been attacked for peaceful silent prayer and picketing by pro-aborts with lots of $$$. In my 20s I sincerely believed that pro-aborts were just nice, misinformed people who didn’t realize what they were doing (that was before ultrasounds were decent pictures.) Over the years I was horrified to discover the truth was much worse–those workers know exactly what they are doing and they just don’t care. It breaks my heart. We have the DNA, ultrrasound, and more, but abortionists live in Romans chapter 1–they trade the truth of God for a lie.

    And as a Southern Baptist myself, I know an abortionist would be welcome to come to our services, but , like any other habitual, unrepentant sinner, would not be eligible for membership. It’s not cruel. It’s being faithful to the God Who saved us from our own sins and it’s standing up for the innocent children Jesus loves.

    I loved and married my husband before he was saved, too. But I could not have supported him if he killed babies. I would have prayed for him, of course, but never aided and abetted. Jesus loves sinners, but He also says “Go, and sin no more.”

    • I like how you qualified sinner with “habitual” and “unrepentant.” And I’m glad to hear that your church would encourage attendance for anyone, but would restrict membership to those who have truly been born again, in that they know Jesus as Savior from their sins and as Lord over how they think and behave now. That’s how our Presbyterian Church would handle it, too, but so many churches have completely lost their hold on biblical truth entirely. Many others have given up on discerning real repentance, let alone church discipline. So I’m sure Doug is right about many people in the abortion industry attending churches, even being members of (what they would consider) churches, and even believing themselves (in the sense that matters most to them) Christians. Which makes it that much more important for those of us who believe that Jesus is who he said he is, and did what he said he did, to get it right both in doctrine and in practice.

      I admit that I have rarely been in the trenches the way you have. I have been in very few protests, and mostly speak to people one on one about my experiences. And my experiences include being one of the “nice misinformed” people who thought that no matter how bad abortion is, it was worse to make a woman have a baby she “didn’t want.” I personally would never have an abortion, I thought, but it was better that the option was open for women who had been raped, or women whose life was at stake.

      And then my life was at stake.

      During my first pregnancy, two teams of doctors told me that my child would not live to be born, and recommended “termination.” They said that carrying the child to term might pose serious risks to my life.

      I believed them. My “pro-choice” husband, fearing for my safety and thinking the best case scenario was a child on life support, with limited life expectancy and extremely poor quality of life, was distraught but assumed that what they recommended was the only choice. Inside I was dying, but I agreed. After all, who better to help a woman make that decision but morally neutral doctors?

      I still believe those doctors thought they were doing the right thing. They believed that the child would die and endanger me in the process. They were deceived. They didn’t understand that some things are worth fighting for, even to the death if necessary. But I thank God that He kept us from following through on their recommendation.

      The danger in thinking “pro-choice” people monsters is that it makes us forget that we would be too, apart from Christ. It kills our compassion. It makes us assume things that aren’t true. It keeps us from seeing ways that we can help even the deeply deceived. I don’t doubt that you were “attacked” (at least verbally and emotionally, perhaps more) by the opposition when you spoke out and acted out against abortion. People who feel threatened (even if the only threat is to their self-image) naturally do that. It takes supernatural assistance to keep praying for them when they insult us, and keep telling them the truth in love when they call us hateful liars. But that’s what we are called to. And if God calls us to do that, he will empower us to do that. It will be easier to do if we, like Christ, see past the sin and love the sinner.

      But you probably know all that. I’m just saying that Doug’s reminders of who the people are who call themselves “pro-choice” is part of what we have to remember to love them properly. Deeply deceived. But still human, and most of them believe that they are doing what’s right, just like I used to before Jesus changed my heart.

      Thanks for your courage, sister. Keep those with deep deceptions to regret (like mine) in your prayers.

  18. Doug, I understand a lot, but not all of what you’re saying. On my website and in online debate, I try to separate the sinner from the sin. I’ve had a few good experiences where pro-choice people, even atheists, appreciate my listening to them without insulting. I always thank them too, if they haven’t stooped to insults. I doubt I could actually sleep next to a pro-choice person, but I do believe we must be respectful – if we say unborn babies are precious because they’re made in the image of God, then we have to treat pro-choice people that way, too. I wrote a post just this week about Misplaced Compassion. I really get that. God bless you.

    • Being married to Abby wasn’t so much about just letting my beliefs go. 9 times out of 10 her pro-choice beliefs would have been a deal breaker. Being in love with someone will make you do some crazy things. Honestly though, when I look back, I am 1000% sure God allowed it to happen like this. It’s a long story and one day I will find the words to write it.

      • I would love to hear your story. I read Abby’s book and honestly, out of everything she said it’s the one thing that makes no sense to me at all.

        • I appreciate you not being a total jerk about it even though you don’t understand it. I don’t understand how people can’t put scenarios in their head about how this could come to be. Good girls fall in love with bad boys all the time. (I am not saying Abby was a bad girl) There are so many stories out there about people sticking with the person they love based on a tiny glimmer of hope that their heart may some day change.

          • Thanks for saying that I’m “not a total jerk about it.” Sure, people make crazy choices in love all the time; that’s different from saying that it was a wise or right choice. I’m just trying to imagine myself marrying someone who a) was working at an abortion clinic; b) had had two abortions herself/himself; c) was totally unrepentant about both these things.

            My honest opinion is that, based on what I’ve heard and read, God was very merciful and gracious to you, as he often is with our unwise decisions. But I don’t want to pre-judge and would sincerely love to hear your story someday.

          • I didn’t realize you were Abby Johnson’s husband! I Love her. I loved her book. I can’t help thinikng though. Just like you fell in love with her, she fell in love with you. Just like you were willing to do “crazy things” for love of her, maybe she would have done crazy things for love of you, if you’d been as adamant about your position as she was. Maybe she would have missed a couple of those fundraisers if you’d refused to go. Maybe seeing someone she loved so passionate and obstinate about something would have helped brush the scales from her eyes sooner.
            All in all, I think I resent the implication in your writing that prolifers don’t already know these things about prochoicers. We live constantly hearing from the other side how “hateful” we are. We have to hear that we only care about fetuses and not born babies because we don’t all support cradle to grave financial support. We have to hear about how we hate women and think all sexually active women are ‘sluts’ and need to be punished by pregnancy. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I used to live across the street from a Planned Parenthood. The same three elderly people would come and stand outside that black fence and quietly pray everyday. They had all manner of objects thrown at them as well as ugly insults hurled at them. Your own wife admitted to having participated in openly mocking prolifers during radio interviews. But in your article and your responses to the comments, you speak as if anyone who doesn’t see things just as you do hates these people. It’s as if you think we’re the ones…all the time….who are at fault when we don’t smile and nod and empathize. 56 million, Doug. Your children’s future playmates die everyday. For years we stepped and fetched and tiptoed around prochoice people, adapting our language to words that made them comfortable, allowing ourselves to be led on wild goose chase conversations about the horrendous lifetime that they allege awaits all unplanned children because prochoicers learned early on to make the discussion about anything but the mechanics of abortion. But the fact is, we get through to them by speaking the truth. We can do it with our inside voices and smiles on our faces, but no more tiptoeing. We don’t think we’re right. We know we are. Abortion kills, no matter how well educated or compassionate its supporters are.

          • Your 1st paragraph: If only it could have been that simple. Our relationship just didn’t work like that. We fought like cats and dogs about her job but we were both very different people back then. I did apologize to Abby for not fighting harder to get her out of PP. To be honest, I flip flopped a lot. The pro-life voice in my head got quieter over time as time went on. I need to get with a good talented writer for this one. I want the story to be honest and from the heart. (Even if there are people out there that will crap all over it anyway)
            2nd paragraph: Forgive me if my tone seemed defensive. Honestly, it was. I hate being misunderstood. HATE IT!!! I feel like people were putting words in my mouth and completely missing my point. People were questioning how seriously I take this movement and that’s not ok for me. I took it personally when I should have ignored. I don’t mind being disagreed with. I wish all of these conversations could have been face to face. Maybe then the conversations would have been more fruitful. Now, everything else you are saying I have either heard, said, or written. I know how rude both sides can be to each other. It would be awesome if someone from the pro-life side could write something in reverse of my article. But I have my doubts. Them saying we are good people would mean they have to admit we are right. When I say they are nice people, I mean we are right and there is a chance they can be converted. I brag all the time about how awesome the pro-life movement is. How we are destroying stereotypes and pro-aborts need to take notice. Am I critical sometimes? Yes, but only if I see an opportunity for positive change. I know all the numbers and I don’t need to be reminded about the urgency to change hearts and save babies. That urgency is what keeps my wife working so hard. Our family is fully committed to God using us for this movement and we won’t stop until all life is respected from conception to natural death.

  19. Doug, you are the best person to write on this issue. Thanks for being actively pro-life and thanks for being a dynamic, seasoned and relevant writer too. You know what you are saying. Congratulations for being the best father and husband to Abby.

  20. The ‘wise’ and educated perpetrate pro choice for murder on those with less knowledge and uneducated.
    Assertive compassion offer aid, a hope, and a future then educating on the sanctity of life works, but
    not nearly enough persons of good will want to get involved in proportion to the most immense atrocity
    in the history of humankind. Quarreling with ardent pro choice for murder (not there words for themselves,
    of course) doesn’t help. God will lead those in ignorance to recognize the Sanctity of Life with those who
    fight the fight out of love. God knows who are ‘wise’ to themselves exhalting in human intelligence and
    cannot be reached. Pray for all, leave the judging to God. Associate with as many as you can, but at some
    distance for the Bible says not to keep company with them. Always assert the truth, and give fair loving
    Assertive warning to them, keeping your own relationship with God growing asking His help to understand one’s self
    to live a truly Godly life. We can’t let agree to disagree take away from asserting the heart breaking tragedy with a
    Kind of ‘feel good’ and ‘I’m ok your ok,’ attitude.
    Do everything out of charity.

  21. Great article! In regards to pro choicest being intelligent and highly educated, I think there is a Mother Angelica quote that applies to that – “Some people are educated beyond their intelligence.”

    Thanks for your thoughts. Very well done.

  22. Very good article. I have always been pro-life but have tried to understand those who are not. One of them was a classmate at a major state university. We were both working adults who had returned for additional schooling and shared common educational goals. Little by little, we learned each other’s stors at class breaks, offee breaks, etc. Here’s the kicker. It took a while to find out that, not only was she pro-choice, not only was she president of our metro city NOW (National Orgzn for Women), but she testified at the state house for pro-abortion legislation. She had a PhD, not MD, but would intro herself as “Doctor.” I finally had an aha moment, two actually. One, if I’m right about this issue why is SHE the one talking to legislators. And two, boy, do I need to pray for her and me. The irony is that we had become friends and I liked her enough to see beyond the slogans, banners, etc., to know she suffered in many ways.

    Now here’s the joyful praise report: After I moved out of state, I kept in touch with her via Christmas cards. I told her of my increasing involvement with pro-life activities. She never spoke about her activities on the other side. Then decades later she told me about her conversion–a long sory involving tremendous marital, work, physical problems, and her incredible spiritual and physical healing at a Catholic Mass.

    I don’t take any credit for any of that. And I don’t even take credit for resolving to pray for her; kudos to the Holy Spirit for that. But I will say that my friendship with her opened my eyes to the wounds that lay buried and may have led to her pro-abortion beliefs. So Bottom line … Pray for God’s mercy for them. And for you

  23. Another point… The majority of women who are pro-abortion (pro-choice is not the issue here) are also women who have had abortions. Once they have had that abortion, in order to protect their own soul from the horror of killing their own child, they need to adamently fight to protect the right to have an abortion. This is done most of the time without being consciously aware of the true reasons why they need abortion to be legal. There may be some women who do say they would not have an abortion, but think others should be able to, but the majority have had at least one abortion.
    Yes, some women do go to church, but that is not the same as being a follower of Christ because no true follower of Christ could support abortion. However, outside of the Catholic Church, there are not that many religious communities who really work to fight abortion in the name of following Christ.
    Women want to assist and provide for other women to have abortions because this again hides their own sin, because they are a witness to others doing the same. In the end, the woman will either wake up or not. She will either find God or not.
    Women may be smart and articulate and all the other things you say, but in the long run, they are supporting an evil so great that it is their very inability to see that which shows how lost they truly are. We can and should pray for everyone involved with the abortion industry. We also have to be very aware when we are with others who are fighting to end this blight, that many around you have had abortions and have repented and sought healing. Be careful of your attitude even with those who are involved in the pro-life movement. Too many still hate the sinner, not just the sin.

    • I disagree (respectfully) with your statement. I believe that there are more wome. Than you know who have has abortions at a young impressionable age …when they were the most vulnerable. Those girls become women…and many realize later the lies they were told. Many of those women understand how horrific this act was, but all too late to save tied babies. Many of those women are the most passionate about abortion being wrong because they themselves understand the damage that it does. In order to save their souls and gain back self-respect, they fight hard to protect the young girls and lost souls who might make the same mistakes! After all, they can’t undo their mistakes, but if they can save others from the same date, then that is their passion!

      Just wanted to share a different perspective on this!

    • I am an evangelical and everyone that I know in that community is pro-life. Some are more active than others, but the same thing is also true of Catholics.

    • Is it hating the sin or sinner to say “Once they have had that abortion, in order to protect their own soul from the horror of killing their own child”?
      I have always been taught, as a Christian and from non Christians… don’t sin, speak the truth, help others and do not judge.

  24. Doug-Well thought-out and positive observations. But, from my many times praying at a Planned Parenthood facility (Kalamazoo MI), I would like to mention a couple of further observations, which may not be quite as positive as yours. First, those driving by who shout obscenities and flip “birds” (even though I had young grandchildren with me praying) are not mature, kind or thoughtful people. They seem to be somehow insecure and demonstrate that with their actions. Second, I value the importance of man’s reflective nature. I find it impossible to believe that supposedly intelligent people can sit down and quietly meditate on the full scope of what is happening in an abortion and not realize that something is desperately wrong with the situation. This leads me to conclude that they sublimate and choose not to really think about or meditate on what is happening. In other words, they never really allow themselves to fully consider what is happening because they know if they did they would realize that what is going on is inherently evil. No religious indoctrination is necessary here. Just being human should suffice. Dehumanization of the child in utero is part of this non-reflective cover-up. Your thoughts?

    • Ok. They are thinking to the future. When I was a teacher, my kids couldn’t look pass their noses. They only saw right here right now. I believe prochoicers can’t see 9 minutes from now much less 9 months or 9 decades for that matter. It’s a knee jerk reaction. Just a selfish nature ingrained in our society. What I am saying is very narrow and does not apply to all abortion situations. This needs to be a book. Want to write it together?

      • Doug-Was that a serious suggestion re a book? Perhaps an article or two would be a more convenient way to start. I have done much thinking about this issue and other scourges or threats of our day (e.g. atheism/paganism, homosexuality, etc.). There are some common elements I believe are present. I know you are a very busy person, so you’d have to consider if you were able to take on one more project. I’m 70 years old, retired, and a full-time volunteer for a Catholic group that has various ministries (wilderness retreats, deliverance, teaching spirituality and simple living classes). Our young group (Companions of Christ the Lamb) is a clerical association and has provisions for priests and brothers belonging to it.

        • It wish I could say it was serious. I agree, short articles are a better way to go. I am always up for comparing notes. Who knows, maybe I could learn a little something from you. Just so you know, I started this article about 2 months ago. It started forming in my head about 6 months ago. Having a gaggle of young ones tends to take priority. But, that doesn’t mean i am not interested.

      • Thanks for this very important line of thinking, Chuck R and Doug. How could the key to any progress on this issue be anything except psychological analysis, particularly psychological analysis of people’s wildly differing perceptions of the unborn? “Dehumanization of the child” — Chuck R seems to see a dismissive perception of the unborn as an effect, part of a pattern of denial to avoid facing evil. “selfish nature ingrained in our society” — Doug sees it more as a cause.

        That dismissive perception must have elements of both cause and effect, but I think a lot is causal, ingrained — and originally ingrained in society because it’s ingrained in the individual, or really inborn. The humanity of the unborn child is something that most people have to learn by thinking, or meditating, as Chuck R says. I have thought about this here:


        (Search for “ontological intuition”)

        Doug, did you mean “They are NOT thinking to the future”? And “What I am saying is very narrow” — do you mean what you’re saying in that specific comment, or in your blog post?

        • While my intuitions are in perfect harmony with them over a lifetime of reflection, my beliefs about the humanity (and, thus, human dignity) of the baby in the womb come from the teachings of my Catholic faith. And I believe God protects the Church from error in its teachings in matters of faith and morals.

        • I was replying to Chuck’s original comment. I think pro-choicers only look towards the “negative” outcome of an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy. If there is even the slightest chance of something bad happening to the mother or child, they would just assume kill the child and eliminate the possibility of human suffering. I don’t know that what I am saying always applies. There are so many situations (rape, incest, I might have to drop out of college, coercion, infidelity, too many kids already…) they don’t all fit nice and neatly into one box. They all require different perspective or plan of action when it comes to ministering.
          I am not sure I am even answering the question or droning on, so I’ll stop.

          • Killing someone NOW, because they MIGHT suffer later is a really HORRIBLE mindset [deception].

            I used to think there were times abortions should be allowed. Ugh. I thank God for His Grace that delivered me from that. This is not about Women’s Rights. This is about Human Rights.

            Overall, a mostly good article.

          • It is a horrible mindset indeed. Our adopted son was conceived in a very violent situation. His birth mother was told to abort for all kinds of reasons. Even people in her church told her it was ok. Just ridiculous. Thankfully, his mother chose life and I can’t imagine our life without him in it.

  25. Thank you, Doug. I admit that I wrongly try to hang on to at least a little bit of anger and resentment because if I don’t, I fall into feeling completely helpless and passive. It’s a struggle to remind myself that pro-aborts are as sincere as I am, and not necessarily hard-hearted (it just seems so impossible that anyone could be so blind to what abortion is!).

  26. Very well written article Doug. Thanks for taking the time. The thing for me, that takes some credibility from you, is that you say you stood by your wife’s endeavor to support killing innocent people, even though you were against it, because you “loved her passion”.

    I do agree with you though that we need to understand the psychology though of those who believe that killing innocent people can be justified. I know it’s cliche to compare abortion to Nazi Germany, but I think from a psychological/sociological point of view, there are a lot of similarities.

    • I will explain my love for her passion more extensively at another date. I hope to make you swallow that. (I mean that in the nicest way possible and I accept the challenge.) For now consider this, that passion she had at PP is the exact same passion she has now. If anything, I believe it was no accident that I am married to her and I am the one who has been her support throughout this entire experience.

      I don’t love the Nazi Germany comparison. I get it. I just think it’s a stretch. Maybe it’s a good topic to take on some day.

      • Doug, I think the most important similarity to Nazi Germany, is that people can be defined as “unpeople”, and that “unpeople” can be eliminated, stolen from and even have body parts used..so there are a couple of similarities. And my father will also tell you that the German Nazi were great people…he was there in the US Army near the end of the war and after the war lived with a german couple…maybe one day it will be as hard to find pro abortion people as it was to find people who called themselves Nazis the day after the war ended. It is all about definition..and perspective.

        • I agree with you that both dehumanize people. I also think that many of us Christians are dehumanizing the dehumanizers.
          I think it is very cool that your father was able to share that with you. There is so much history that isn’t written down. History that can shape us. Good stuff.

      • I don’t think the comparison is a stretch at all, unless you are saying that the Nazi’s were not so bad. The whole premise of what Planned Parenthood was built on is even more disgusting. Kill off a “race” of people by murdering their offspring. Hmmm, the problem is and what makes it worse is that the people who support this awful practice as you say, Many go to church” they profess to be Christians and yet they are standing for something that Jesus Himself condemned, the harming of a child. Now these people are murdering Babies that are fully formed by tearing them apart while alive, how can you accept that they can believe they are right. They are evil, period. That doesn’t mean I hate them, or don’t love them, that doesn’t mean I want them hurt or killed, it just means they are evil, because their deeds are evil. Not only evil, like lying, cheating or stealing, but murdering of the innocent and helpless.

        • Of course I am not saying the Nazis weren’t that bad. I am not sure where my dislike for the comparison comes from. Both injustices are horrible. I guess I don’t want to distract anyone from mourning how horrible the Holocaust truly was. Of course they are both awful. I just want to keep them as separate events out of respect to the people that suffered through them.
          Planned Parenthood and the Nazi ideals are identical to me. Something I will never ever forget is when we went to the DC March for life a couple years back. I was able to go to the Holocaust museum. That had a pro-found impact on me as a Christian and a pro-lifer. I recommend it to everyone on the planet.

          I don’t accept that they are right. I am not saying they are right. I am saying they believe just as strongly as you and I do that they are right. That is all. It’s not an excuse. I am not letting go of my beliefs so that I don’t offend them. I am just letting you know what you are up against. The pro-choice heart is probably the hardest to crack. I am up for the challenge though.

    • Sorry, I’m not sure you understood what I was saying. When you love someone, you will love their passion…this is a good thing. What I don’t get, is that you knew killing innocent people was wrong, but you loved her passion, so you went along with it. Maybe I’m reading you wrong, but I get the feeling you still don’t have a heavy heart for the people being killed.

      If I’m not mistaken, we have killed more people in the US via abortion than Nazi Germany killed Jews. Much of the psychology of convincing the masses that those being killed have a lower value than humans, is the same. How is that not a feasible comparison?

      • First, saying I don’t have a heavy heart about babies being killed is kind of insulting. Our entire lives revolve around saving babies. Why do you think I have this blog? Why else would I stay home with our kids so my wife can commit time to this movement? Why do you think Abby spends so much time speaking, working on legislation, running a ministry to get clinic workers out,… Almost everything we do revolves around this movement. Even our 8 year old daughter has a heart to get involved. So, yes, you are way off the mark when you get the feeling I don’t have a heavy heart.
        I get that it is hard to understand how I could marry Abby when we were on opposite sides of the abortion issue. It is more complicated than just going along with it. It is the #1 question I get asked, so I know it’s hard to understand. One of these days, I will explain it. It is very important to me that people understand. The problem is I am not a good enough writer to do the story justice. When the words come to me, I will get it done. Some people will get it and some people will stay angry. All I can do is pray for guidance and the God will put my story in front of the right people who need to hear it.

        • Thank you for your response, Doug. I read your post, and that was all I had to go by about your heart toward abortion. I apologize that I misread you. The post implied, in my opinion, that you are more sympathetic to the abortion industry than to the babies killed. I see your heart now, and appreciate you:)

          • No hard feelings. You are probably right about how my article reads. Hopefully I can improve upon that.

  27. Regarding this opinion– “[Pro Choicers] They are articulate, well educated, and smart people”– I disagree. I hear that a lot and it is wrong and indefensible and categorically misguided. It seems to me that someone who is “well educated” and “smart” will without fail come to the essential Truth that God is Life and therefore all Life is sacred, and as such abortion (AKA murder, AKA the taking of an innocent life) is evil. Someone who cannot recognize evil, especially in its blatant and clear form, has a misinformed conscience. Spiritual Blindness is a condition, a sickness, largely due to one’s own actions and inactions, habits, and reluctance to seek the Truth. We are NOT talking about an edge-case or gray-area of “smart” here. We are talking about, for example, the objective and clear murder of an 8-month-old child by vacuuming out its brain and collapsing its skull. Evil does not get more plain than that– so it is clear that if one is not able to see/know this abject evil, then one is neither “well educated” nor “smart” on the matter. IMHO.

    • on a different post, I mentioned definition. From my perspective as a biologist, I realize that some people are ignorant of a fact that a fetus is human, so much dialogue includes the idea that it is not human. An intelligent pro abortion person says, “yes, I know it is a living human organism, but we can take its life justifiably (even though modern morality prevents us from doing so to other individuals)”. Pro life, pro choice, and pro abortion people who state otherwise (the non-human argument) are factually wrong, so that does indicate they are speaking from ignorance. The dialogue should only be about which groups of humans we can eliminate. That dialogue is going to expand to other groups out of sheer need in the future, so we should be starting to use that rationale (that it can be determined certain groups may be eliminated).

  28. This is important to remember. We are such a polarized society. The “left” and the “right” have never been so far from each other. It’s difficult when you fall somewhere in the middle. I am very Pro-Life, but definitely not a right wing person. it is still hard for me to understand why somebody would ever support abortion…especially when there are very few rules…and a big push for late term…but yes…those people think they are doing right. The thing is deep down they must know that they are not. How can they not? Hopefully that deep down voice will change more workers the way it did Abby.

  29. Hell, Hitler believed his intentions were good.

    • Yup. And can you imagine the potential good he could have done if someone had gotten to him in his young life? If you could have been in a room alone with him, before he came into power, would you have killed him on the spot or tried to recruit him? He was a natural leader and obviously knew how to get a crowd behind him. He used all that for evil. Along with Hussein, Obama, and Darth Vader. If anything, my wife could have been another Hitler or Margret Sanger. But she wasn’t.

      • “my wife could have been another Hitler,” XD that’ll get you something, Doug.

      • I don’t know about that, I never heard of Hitler murdering anyone personally or ever assisting in it, he told others to yes, but he had no hand in it personally that I ever heard of. And just for your information, when Hitler was a young failed artist, he was cold, hungry and homeless, The Jews took him in, they fed him, they clothed him, I would say they reached out to him in love and kindness, but he wanted them exterminated.

  30. thank you so much for your amazing article. I am a newer Pro Life advocate and was formerly your “4.” I would never have an abortion myself but can’t affect the “rights” of another. Many of my friends from earlier are still vehemently pro choice and don’t understand how pro lifers can impose their beliefs on others. I need this article in the reverse : “5 Things You Should Know About Pro-lifer… If you’ve been pro choice all your life, this may be a little hard to understand… ” because I get the feeling that the pro choicers believe everyone in the pro life camp is a control freak white guy in a suit sitting around a conference table plotting how to systematically dismantle every women’s gained in the last 150 years and removing the right to abortion is just one small part of a larger conspiracy to get women out of the workplace and back to having dinner on the table when the husband comes home. Can you (or did you already? ) write an article showing the pro choicers that the pro life movement may be more compassionate than they realize? Since you’ve seen both sides and alluded to ways that you told this to Abby when she was still in the industry, I think you have the perfect vantage point to speak to that population as well. Thank you again for your wonderful article promoting understanding and compassion.

    • I have tried to have that tone when ever I write. I agree that there needs to be an article written in reverse. The problem is getting a pro-choicer to share it. A lot of them still like to hide behind the stereotypes they put on us. Maybe one day I’ll just put it out there. The closest thing I have written in reverse is: 5 Things I Love About The Pro-Life Movement. It’s fairly recent if you want to find it on here.
      Thanks for reading!!

  31. Doug, great article. I would question the example of “God told me to blow up an abortion clinic,” simply because it is difficult to verify the actual number of bombings at abortion clinics. I cannot find a list of actual detonated devices at abortion clinics – “bombs” – they seem to be including arson, which is not a bomb. Bomb threats without an actual device are threats only, and although they cause a business disruption, are not inherently dangerous. I think the pro-choice side has used the word “bombing” to ramp up the dialogue and to equate the pro-life side with terrorism.

    • I am not sure why thou need any kind of number. It has happened and people have been killed or maimed because of bombs. Check out Lake of Fire. It’s a documentary on the subject. And disrupting business is pretty useless. They just reschedule. Saying they use the word bombing too much because it is mearly a threat that doesn’t hurt any one or it only happened a couple of times…?
      It’s kind of like saying Americans are over reacting to ISIS and 911.
      Every movement has a dangerous crazy nut bag side. It doesn’t have to be large or happen more than once. Once someone gets hurt that fear is real and justified. I can’t defend anyone that uses these tactics. Also, Abby got death threats when she was at PP. I took them very seriously and they caused me to be suspicious of every single pro-lifer that stood outside her clinic. I can honestly say, I grew to hate them.

  32. I’ve been following ATTWN on Facebook recently, and saw this post through Abby’s page. Thank you for writing this. The pro-choice P.O.V. always brings tears of anger to my eyes, but you (and Abby) make real the root of the problem. We have to love to overcome the culture of death in America. For a long time as a pro-lifer I “hated” (though never expressed that hatred outwardly) pro-abortion supporters, the pro-choice media, and pro-choice legislation. Gradually, I am coming to understand that hatred only builds a wall between “us and them”. Articles and posts like these soften my heart, and yesterday I found myself praying while washing my 8 month old daughter’s bottles. Praying instead of griping, praying instead of angry tears, for each and every PP staff, supporter, and client.

    That prayer has really changed my heart.

    Thank you for this, thank you for your voice in the fray. This is how we foster a culture of life, by fostering a culture of love.


    • Thanks for reminding me to pray while doing the mundane parenting stuff. I needed that while my 1 year old is suffering through some teething issues.

  33. “Just like we KNOW as pro-lifers that we are 100% correct on the subject, Abby used to KNOW that supporting a woman’s right to abortion was absolutely the right thing to do.”

    Good point about everybody’s sincerity. I don’t think you mean that both sides are right and that there are no moral absolutes. When people’s moral intuitions differ, how to resolve it? I have thought as best I could about that here:


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