Dear Abby & Doug, (TV dads, Timing Babies After Marriage, More Johnsons?)

Dear Abby & Doug, (TV dads, Timing Babies After Marriage, More Johnsons?)

IMG_0880We are back with some more questions you guys asked us on Facebook. So far this has been pretty fun and we enjoy answering your questions. I think it allows an opportunity for you guys to get to know us better. We like for everyone to know that we are not all business 24/7. It’s also a way to give back to you guys after all the support you have shown us. With that, I think we will keep this little section going for a while.


Why do you think that, in mainstream media (ie television sitcoms) it’s becoming more and more accepted that men in general and fathers specifically are portrayed as clueless and/or stupid when it comes to pretty much anything family related? I see guys on TV who are business geniuses with success oozing out of their bodies, but can’t navigate a family disagreement without deferring to their wives or being belittled by their children. For example, the late John Ritter on Eight Simple Rules for Dating my Teenaged Daughter. Huey

Doug: I didn’t watch that show, but I know what you are talking about. Oblivious goofy dads seem to have taken over the sitcom world. They certainly don’t represent me, but I find myself laughing at them anyway. We are pretty big fans of Everybody Loves Raymond, and yeah, he usually gets it wrong. But then again, there is no entertainment values in showing the perfect family. I am not sure anyone could relate to that.  As long as these shows keep doing well, we will keep seeing them. Hopefully, producers will hear what people are saying about these TV dads and decide to make a creative change. I think there is hope.

Abby: If sitcoms were a bunch of normally functioning families, they wouldn’t be popular. I hate that the show “King of Queens” shows the wife as this nagging bitchy woman. I am not that person, but it seems to be one or the other…the wife is a bitch or the husband is inept. But that is what sells. Normalcy is not profitable. 🙂 On the other hand, showing the inadequacies in families is more realistic for all of us viewers. It shows that you can be an imperfect family, but still have the right amount of love.


Do you think that there is a time after marriage that the couple should wait before having children? Obviously, you are excited and happy whenever there is a pregnancy (pro-life, we love babies, and all that awesome jazz), but should a couple wait a specific amount of time before trying for children?
It seems like the moment you get married, everyone is chiming in on their opinion on when you should have children. My husband and I have been married for 4 months and other than “How is married life?”, questions, orders, and opinions on when we should have children is the second most common thing we’ve heard.
We practice NFP and I’ve been spouting the “Oh, we will start trying in a year or two” because that seems to make everyone happy. But that’s not actually what my husband and I want! I feel like, if we told everyone what we really want, we’d just be lectured by a bunch of family and friends. We’re in our 20’s, on our own, we’ve been together for over 5 years, and we’re financially stable. Why should we have to answer to them on something as personal as our sex life (that’s basically what they’re asking) and if/when we plan to have children? Julia

Abby: I don’t think there is any set formula. For me, getting married meant that we were opening our lives up to children…and I believe that’s the way marriage should be. People shouldn’t be pressuring you one way or the other. When they ask about your sex life, just tell them that you are discerning God’s call. They can’t really argue with that. Or, you can just tell them that you have no idea why you haven’t gotten pregnant yet because you guys have sex multiple times every day (that’s what I would say). When people get personal with me like that, I try to make THEM feel as uncomfortable as possible. 🙂 Don’t worry about what other people think regarding the plans for YOUR children. You follow where God wants you to go and leave it at that.

Doug: Awesome question! You don’t have to answer to anyone. I am not telling you what to do here so much as giving my two cents. Abby and I were married for only 5 months when we found out we were having Grace. Getting pregnant that soon was not our plan or anyone else’s fro that matter. We Were not prepared or ready by any means, but then again, I don’t think there is a “best time” to start. You can plan all you want and listen to others tell you what to do, but there is no one size fits all on growing a family. In my opinion, if you are ready to get married, you need to be ready for kids right then and there. I am not saying you have to start having them ASAP, but be ready for surprises. In your case, if you’re ready to start building a family, and that’s the one of the reasons you got married, why wait?

I’m just wondering if you and Abby are open to as many children as God would bless you with (a la Duggars) or if you have more of a stopping point?? Just nosy like that???? Meg

Abby: There is not a point for me when I think, “Once we have this many kids, that’s enough.” We practice NFP and we are okay with people choosing to space or not space their children. Who knows how when or where the rest of our kids will come from? I can’t imagine a time where I won’t be open to children…even if I can’t have them on my own. I guess once my kids start having kids, I may stop. 🙂 I do think that I will mourn the loss of my fertility. I love having children…I love being “life giving.” But I know once that door does close, God will open up another amazing chapter for us.

Doug: That answer depends on how my day is going. (Just kidding…kinda)
I don’t know that there is a stopping point for us. The Duggars are great, but I don’t see us going that route. I definitely see more children in our future, but how many is the part I can’t tell you. I also don’t know if they will all be biological, all adopted, or a mix. Right now, I want to wait a little while before we have anymore. Ultimately, we are on the “What God Has For Us,” plan. We will always be open to new life. I guess we’ll stop when the option gets taken away from us.

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