Dear Abby & Doug, (Asking Out Boys, Emasculated??, & Modesty)

Dear Abby & Doug, (Asking Out Boys, Emasculated??, & Modesty)

IMG_2412A while back, I asked the people on my FaceBook page to give me some questions to answer. You guys sent me a lot of good questions, and I was excited to answer them. After answering them, I decided to hand the computer over to my wife and let her add her own thoughts to the conversation. Hope you guys enjoy.


What do you think about girls asking guys out on dates? I think the guys should be the ones to ask, especially for special things like prom, but what do you think and why? Do you think it is a big deal? Rachel

Doug: Honestly, I think it’s fine. Some guys are very shy or just plain oblivious. Sometimes we need a clue or a little push. I think it’s fine for a girl to put herself out there and let a guy know, “HEY! you can ask me out.” I don’t think it’s too aggressive or whatever for a girl to be forward. As far as prom goes, I say go with a group. Having a prom date is overrated. Both my proms sucked. My junior prom date turned out to be a lesbian. My senior prom date had me drop her off at her new boyfriend’s house. LAME!!
The only thing I think a woman should never ever do, is propose marriage. Not cool. I think that belongs to us and it’s our time to shine.

Abby: I’m pretty sure I asked Doug out on our first date…so…yeah, I think it’s fine. Sometimes guys have no idea you are even interested.

I get that Abby is a saint and that she must sacrifice time with her family to do her ministry, but do you feel emasculated by being a Stay at home dad? Cyndi

Doug: Not at all. I grew up with a very strong mother figure. My mom had a great work ethic and was the bread winner in our house. But my dad was still the leader in our home. He is the hardest working man I know. His career just didn’t come with a lot of accolades. I grew up watching two people raise a family and not worry about who wore the pants. All that rubbed off on me, but didn’t translate into career success for me. I have always sought out success in my personal life. I want to be the best father/husband I can be. Being a stay at home dad is my job, my calling, and who God wants me to be. Abby has always been the driven one in our relationship. I knew she was going to be the star of the show. That’s not to say she is more important than me. We know our roles in this family and what the expectations are.

Abby: I’m far from a saint. Like, really far from it. 🙂 Doug is the leader of our home in every way. Yes, I’m the one who makes money for our family, but I’m not in charge. Yes, our marriage is a partnership, but we are not equal in our relationship.

What does modesty mean to you? Is it a female issue only? How do men respond to the word “modesty’ and what is their responsibility surrounding the concept? Wanda

Doug: It is definitely not just a woman’s issue. For me modesty is not just about what we wear. We have to be modest in what we say and how we conduct ourselves. It think it’s pretty easy for men to put it all on women because we are so visual. A woman shouldn’t have to dress covered from her neck to her ankles just because Uncle Pervy across the store can’t keep his eyes and dirty thoughts to himself.
As far as a man’s responsibility on the matter, I think it starts in our personal lives. As a married man, I have to watch myself if I am just being friendly or on the verge of flirting. I have pretty much stopped looking at or buying magazines. My sons and daughter don’t need to think I am ok with the amount of flesh and sex being sold in most magazines. My daughter has rules to follow when it comes to the way she dresses, and I don’t just leave it for my wife to handle. She is only 8, but the standards should start early. Not to mention, having 4 boys means I have to set the example.

Abby: Modesty is both a woman’s and a man’s issue. And modesty is not just about what we wear. We have to be modest in our thoughts and behaviors, as well. We live in such an over-sexed culture, that we must start by setting examples in our own home. Temptation is everywhere…but just like all things, we must learn how to control our urges. One way to do that is by protecting our minds and hearts from the very beginning.



  1. Doug and Abby your both such a blessing. Doug where do you find the time to do the social media stuff? Thanks to both of you again, and God has truly blessed you and Abby.
    God bless.

    • It is hard to find the time, that’s for sure. For the most part, I do everything while they are napping. By everything, I mean laundry, dishes, and whatever else. We have a nanny that comes twice a week, so that allows me time to do the big chores then maybe do some writing. Another trick is that you can schedule your posts. I can schedule a weeks worth of material then get back to parenting. It’s kind of nice. I would say about 50% of what I do is spur of the moment and the rest scheduled. All of it is honest. Thanks for reading.

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