Pro-life Memories In a Pro-choice Life

Pro-life Memories In a Pro-choice Life



One night, I went to a Planned Parenthood supported event. It was at a supporter’s home. The owners of the house were a lesbian couple. One was a OBGYN, and the other was a stay at home mom. Neither were very nice to me. (Damn you, straight man, with your traditional ideas in our home!) Either way, this was a small gathering of local PP supporters here to listen to, wait for it…….. pro-choice clergy.

His name was Tom Davis, and he was an ordained minister with the United Church of Christ. To be honest, it didn’t matter. He was clergy. He was a religious leader and Christian that supported abortion. That’s all everyone there needed to know. The number one enemy to abortion was right wing church going bible beaters. So, if they could get a “Man of God” to come in and tell everyone that abortion is ok, then what other moral hurdles were there to cross?

So, after we all had some snacks and some wine, we all sat down to listen to this guy talk about the history of The Church and abortion. Here are some of the points he made.

  1. The Catholic Church did not care about abortion until it was legal
  2. Abortion was not important to any groups until it became a woman’s rights issue.
  3. Making abortion illegal is more about keeping women in their place than saving the lives of the unborn
  4. A lot of denominations are ok with abortion.
  5. A baby is not a baby until the mother says “I love you and I will keep you.”

All of these points are worth discussion, primarily because they are important and can be argued into the ground. But, I want to concentrate on #5. This caught both mine and Abby’s attention more than anything else. We discussed it all the way home and it still comes up to this day. Abby loved what he said. I can’t really tell you why. I have my own theories on it, but I would prefer she write about this on her own. Me, on the other hand, I was pissed. I wasn’t even in a good place in my Christian walk at the time. Either way, I knew that what he said was the biggest load of crap I had ever heard. I even said that to Abby that night. I wasn’t a, “Life begins at conception” kind of guy at that time, but I knew what the guy said was not from God.

I always supported Abby, no matter what. But, she always knew my discomfort with her job. I always felt that, good or bad, right or wrong, abortion was ending a life. So for this guy to say the baby/fetus didn’t matter until the mom decided to keep it, was just plain offensive. How could anyone say that a baby is not a baby, when there is a beating heart? How could it be that simple? “I don’t want this baby, therefore it is not alive.” “No wait, I change my mind, I decided the baby is no longer an inanimate object. I decided to parent this child, therefore it is alive.” Meanwhile, nothing has changed in the womb.

This night has always stuck with me, for many reasons, but mostly because of that one little sentence. If anything, those words put a bigger wedge between me and Abby. She found it inspiring and freeing. Now she had clergy helping her ignore the truth. I was 100% put out that this guy was out there misleading people. I felt his words were dangerous.

For the most part, everything written above was what I was thinking at that time. My views have evolved over time. I am 100% no exceptions prolife at this point. I believe that life begins at conception, and I believe that that life deserves to be protected until NATURAL death. This includes tiny fertilized eggs all the way to great grandpa that can’t get out of bed and do anything on his own.

Not everyone that calls themselves a Christian is pro-life. Not all clergy are prolife in their preaching. It’s our job as prolife Christians to encourage our pastors and priests that are speaking out against abortion from the pulpit. It’s on us to get to know our church leaders and find out what their stance is on abortion. Anyone can be misled, so we need to be cautious in who we allow to lead us. They say all it takes is one drop of ink in the water to ruin the whole well. It is especially bad when our church leaders are that drop of ink.




  1. Of course, there was no great public outcry against abortion before it became legal compared to after it became legal. We don’t have a huge public outcry against killing kindergartners now, either. If it ever does become legal, then you will have a public outcry. There’s currently no reason to have a huge public outcry to prevent the killing of five-year-olds, we just send them to jail. Killing of babies inside the womb should be the same as outside.

  2. I love hearing your side of the story! Praise be to God! Now, I pray that you can lead many, many men to a change of heart. I’m praying for you and Abby!

  3. New fan here Doug! Well said!

  4. I have heard it said that “one’s morality determines his theology”.

  5. #1 of that man’s statements is just flat-out false. One of the earliest Christian (Catholic) documents, written shortly after the year 100, condemns abortion – and that’s been the Catholic Church’s stance ever since, without exception.

  6. “Not everyone that calls themselves a Christian is pro-life.”

    AND not everyone who is pro-life is Christian. An important point to remember.

    A good article Doug. Thankyou

  7. Rebecca Waldenberg

    Ifrequently set aside the faith side of the abortion discussion, when speaking to others about being pro-life. Many pro-choice people are highly motivated by “humanitarian” reasons and are not people of faith.
    Today, I cite the many abortion providers, men and women of science, who without the assistance of religion or faith have changed their minds. It is a conversation that dismantles the militant agnostic’s view towards people of faith, sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong, to a person of “science” determining that life begins at conception and deserves protection.

    • c72f Divide and conquer. If the enemy can dertosy us from within, then we will have no energy to continue our cause. Death threats?? Seriously? You told me this at the banquet in Minneapolis and I just cried. It shook me to the core. As I was driving home that night, the Lord reminded me that it was actually the established religious organization of the day that tortured and crucified Him. You, Abby, may be new to the pro-life movement, but you are not new to the spiritual battle that takes place for those little babies. Your knowledge of the enemy’s tactics, and by enemy I mean the enemy of our souls and not Planned parenthood, that specific knowledge is what propels you forward. Few have been on both sides of the fence , and I imagine those that have are migthtier and smarter than the rest of us. I will continue to pray for those that work in the abortion industry because you are a living, walking, talking example of an answer to that specific prayer. I pray the Lord will continue to protect you and your loved ones continuely. God bless you, Abby!P.S. Did you know (of course you know), that there are federal laws in place to protect the eggs of endagered birds in America because they have the POTENTIAL to become said bird, yet those same protections do not apply to babies in the womb. I had one pro-choice advocate argue that this is because humans are not endagered. My argument was that the government acknowledged that the egg of the bird represented potential, which logic should dictate that the human embryo should also be protected because it also represents the potential to become fully human. If you have time to respond, what are your thoughts? How do I answer the humans-are-not-endagered argument?bd

  8. Great message and well written, Doug. I think if militant pro-choicers would really get honest with themselves, they would be faced with the reality that it’s there desire to be their own god that motivates their belief systems . We all have some of this desire to different degrees as we purge it and become “less of me and more of Him”. In reality, we’re all wanting to have the chains that bind us/ slavery broken. It’s the realization as to what is true freedom and slavery that we wrestle with, resist or are totally unaware . All Clergy need to step up with valor and be accountable to the vocation they chose, or step aside.

  9. @Doug at 11:20 am: I disagree with your view that “Most pro-choice beliefs come from a good and compassionate place.” My experience tells me that for many pro-choicers their views ultimately derive from their desire to have casual sex or at least to have sex without having to accept the potential procreative consequences. My constitutional law professor — a man who is highly regarded among legal academics and, like most law school faculty, ardently supports abortion on demand — quipped about how boring college would have been if abortion were illegal, i.e., that abortion on demand underwrites and makes possible the sexually permissive lifestyle which makes college such a blast. His view, my experience tells me, is not uncommon among pro-choicers. Indeed, I think it’s fairly prevalent. Most pro-choicers, however, are not as candid as my professor and instead wrap their defense of abortion in euphemistic and unassailable terms like: freedom, compassion, autonomy, etc. Nonetheless, that they know that what they support is wrong and that their support for abortion is largely self-serving is evidenced by how they conduct the fight. They constantly attempt to oppress access to information, oppress the right to assemble, obfuscate even the most basic facts, and engage in bewildering existentialism (e.g., it’s a life if the mother wants, it’s not if she doesn’t). If they thought they had the Truth on their side they would not engage in any of these tactics. Read Roe v. Wade. Its intellectual dishonesty is almost laughable. It is 2+2=5 sort of stuff. The Roe court and supporters of abortion understand that what they seek is wrong, at least from a Judeo-Christian moral framework. That is why they obfuscate and attempt to suppress the truth from seeing the light of day. Their modus operandi evidences their knowledge and intent, and it is not a good faith belief that they are doing the will of God or comporting themselves with basic Christian morals. I understand that it is important to engage pro-choicers charitably, but I also think it is important to be frank about what motivates many pro-choicers.

    • I am about95% with you I guess my point is not all prochoicers have evil hearts. None of them are beyond saving. They love to argue rape and incest exceptions. I have to believe that comes from a good place in their heart. It’s completely mislead, but I see potential there. The chink in the pro-choice armor is in their compassion and attempt to “care about the woman”. I think there is a huge disconnect between the two sides because too many christians see people as the enemy. They are the prize to be won. I am not naive. Abby’s bosses were all money grubbers that only saw babies as dollar signs. In order to increase those dollar signs, they have to sell a giant load of poop to their supporters. And that load of poop has some pretty words in it. That plus the people first, casual sex, carpe diem mentality you mentioned is what got us here.

    • Among Pro-Choicers it is still for the vast majority of them not stemming from a desire to kill babies, and in that they are not malicious in heart. They do want to be able to have sex, and avoid natural consequences of their actions, in order to do this they lie to themselves, justify things, and avoid conflicting information. To a great extent this is a part of human nature, and is commonly known as cognitive dissonance.

      An example of this would be the Pro-Choicer that convinces themselves that a graphic photo of abortion is just that of a miscarried child and so they ignore it, rather than coming to the logical conclusion that even if it was a miscarried child in a photo meant to mislead, that abortion would still not look any different.

      • No one wants to kill babies. It’s just something pro-choicers are willing to do as needed in order to continue to enjoy a certain lifestyle. If pregnancy resulted from running ultra-marathons rather than from having sex there would be no pro-choice movement; there would be no Roe v. Wade; and there would be no controversy at all in respect to the outlaw of abortion.

        • cfb7Hi Abby! I just read your book a couple of weeks ago and loved it. I am in total agneemert with this post and have the same thoughts. I am Catholic, a convert as well, and just got involved in the administrative aspect of 40 Days for Life. I feel as though this amazing organization is unifying the Pro Life Movement more than most I’ve seen because it is so peaceful and loving. I do have a difficult time with the dead baby picture approach, sorry. And I have shared my views with Jack Ames, a wonderful man who is in the business of saving as many babies on a daily basis as he can. And he thinks those pictures are effective. I was even more convinced they don’t work as well as other approaches after reading your book. But I talk to him personally and love those people anyway because of their pure hearts. I also just went through this same realization when I started helping at a Pregnancy Center that is run by Protestants. A Catholic Church right down the street is spreading rumors about this clinics support of contraception, which they don’t!! But one man actually believes it and talked the Knights of Columbus out of helping them get an ultrasound machine. And, he talks Catholic run pregnancy centers out of referring patients to this clinic which is the only one for miles that has an ultrasound machine. I was incensed!!! 7 mothers out of 10 say no to abortion when they see an ultrasound in our area. Only 3 say yes after they’ve been counseled without one. So, because of infighting, we are losing 4 babies that could have lived. Love is always the solution so I have to be prudent and loving when I approach these people even though I want to shake them and ask them what in the world they are thinking!!!!! I know there are Pro Life organizations that only support legislation that says no to ALL abortion and refuse to get behind the rape and incest and life of the mother clause. I say we have to start somewhere. But without the love, we will be no better than those we oppose. Love for every life that is lost to abortion. Those babies should be our goal, always, not bickering and division. I once talked to an older gentleman who was holding up a dead baby parts poster at the Pro Life March. I told him I really didn’t think those posters belonged here because we were all on the same side and I felt very bad for the women I had just heard speak, the I regret my abortion group. He said, right to my face those women should be shot . !! I started freaking out and asking him where in the heck was his Jesus heart of love and mercy!!! You are so right and I’m not sure what the answer is accept for us to lead the way and keep loving all those we come across who just don’t get that it’s all about the babies, not us and our silly pride. I hope you will write another book. God Bless you and don’t give up the fight. The tabernacle will always be our greatest source of strength and peace and the Blessed Mother will give us the love and courage we need on a daily basis to see beyond the actions of the dividers and love them anyway. God Bless you!!!!

    • I have come to my conclusions from arguments with pro-choicers, that they are divided in their rationalizations. Some are newly or marginally involved, or have been sucked in by their radical friends, and still naïve as to why most abortions occur…those are the ones who truly believe they are involved in a humanitarian effort.
      Others are in denial and refuse to acknowledge the humanity of the child in utero, so they violently object to any notion of truth, claiming that “the pictures are photo shopped,” and “those regrets women are paid.” They are typically women who have had abortions themselves, and subconsciously realize that they stand to experience a world of hurt the day that they open their eyes to the truth.
      Then yes, there are those of the free-love generation who proudly proclaim “abortion on demand throughout all nine months.” Those are becoming decrepit and fizzling out with time.
      The motivations of men who are pro choice activists are hard to figure out, but I have noticed two things about them. (1) some claim to have a high level of compassion toward women who are oppressed or have been raped (2) all of them are atheist or anti-Christian in some form, and the pro-choice soapbox gives them an active forum in which they can express their bitterness for religion and authority(that’s evident in a protest situation, where they wave signs that really have nothing to do with abortion at all).
      The good news is this…in the face of the multitude of perverse justifications from the side of evil, we can rest assured that we need rely on only one central truth: human life begins at conception…is sacred…and is ordained by our Creator.

      • Doug is right about the abortion industry…those people know exactly what they are doing, and they are immoral and greedy people.
        The activists, on the other hand, are an entirely different group of people. They are the convenient puppets of the abortionists. The industry protects the puppets from the truth, knowing that they would be horrified to discover the truth of what abortion really is. The puppet activists also happen to be, in general, of a socialist mentality, so they are non-producers and slovenly, and use their ample down-time to practice their alternate religious practices and promote their causes. They are just sad and lost.

  10. I don’t understand why celebrities and royals are put on a pedestal when they are pregnant. It’s like if you’re rich enough, then it’s ok to keep your baby, but if you’re poor, then it’s ok to throw the babies away! Hillary is pro-choice but she gets to look forward to being a granmother!

  11. I was actively “pro-choice” from the 1970s t0 1991, and during those years we often had “pro-choice clergy” showing up at our events and outside the abortion clinics. Even though I was Jewish, instictively something inside me knew it was making a mockery of religion, yet part of me liked them being there because (I see now) it gave a veneer of approval to what we were doing. That’s how sin works: once you commit it, you feel natural guilt, but if you can find someone else, esp. someone in authority, especially someone in religious authority, it give approval to your sin, it makes it easier for you to bear and live with. Its human nature to seek justification and rationalization for sin. This is why so many immoral movements seek to control the religions.

    • Annette, you are absolutely dead on. I am very worried that my church is yielding to the pro-abortion movement and, indeed, in many instances uses the moral authority that it possesses to lead many to support or at least tolerate abortion.

  12. Great article. It makes me wonder how the Pastor rationalizes a women who is sitting on the fence as to whether to keep her child. One minute she is going to keep him so he is a baby. The next minute she succumbs to outside influences, therefore it is not a baby. I will continue to pray.

  13. Doug,
    I have always enjoyed Abby’s comments/posts (and still do) but I think I enjoy yours even more probably because your thoughts and experiences seem to closely resemble my own. I too was one of those who did not insist that life began at conception even while I knew there sopmething flawed with that argument. I came to see two things eventually; 1)Life does begin at conception and 2) abortion does END a life. There were many other things I would learn but these two were the first and the most important.

  14. I could not agree with you more Doug!! I am a volunteer public relations rep. For a small prolife group. I recently spoke to a protestant congregation whose former pastor was pro-choice. The reception I got from some of the “old guard”, was absolutely chilling. I believe it is extremely dangerous to have ANY clergy teaching pro-choice. God Bless you and Abby in your life and work!!

  15. I’ve never understood the cognitive disconnect with a baby being both alive and dead, essentially a Schrödinger’s Baby. When I was Pro-Choice I never had any argument that the unborn child was not alive, I just placed full value on awareness and to an extent the ability to perceive pain. I supported late term abortion only in the form of euthanasia or the lame argument of saving the life of the mother, but I also supported infanticide. To me it always seemed much more humane to inject an already born child with an overdose of something like sodium thiopental and have the child slip away peacefully, than to poison them with something like digoxin or bypassing that option and just tearing their limbs off with them being aware. If I went by the golden Rule, then certainly euthanasia post-birth by injection would be the better option, and I did not view the vagina as some dimensional portal where once the child passed through it, then it was alive. I viewed the birth part of the argument as the lie it is, something simply to allow for abortion to be legal by technicality.

    • More people need to hear that. Most pro-choice beliefs come from a good and compassionate place. They just don’t get it. Too many Pro-lifers are bent on believing pro-choice supporters are cold and love killing babies. Just not the truth. We should spend more time breaking down the arguments.

  16. I am your new #1 fan …. thank you for the stories. From a totally Catholic totally pro-life wife mother gramma!

  17. Yes. Yes. Yes.
    Keep up the great work.

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